The Swearers Guide to Emotional Wellbeing
- Michelle Chapman
- Nov 17, 2024
- 5 min read
Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a little bit sweary! I prefer to refer to swearwords as ‘sentence enhancers’ and am well known in my circle of friends for coming up with creative alternatives to the usual group of expletives – some of which I will share at the end of this blog.
I will state now that this blog is NOT SAFE FOR WORK! I debated for a long time whether to add a C-Bomb to this too, however as so many people like to use it, I will include it as an alternative to the conflict resolution acronym (plus it works so much better that the other one listed!).
I originally came up with the idea for this blog after watching the animated series of ‘Harley Quinn’, where Harley was talking to Alfred about her problems and Alfred used the acronym B.I.T.C.H to help her to manage them. I thought this was genius and started to use it in my daily life. A while later I received a random junk email (I cannot for the life of me remember what it was) but in it they spoke about handling your S.H.I.T every day – another brilliant sweary acronym that I adopted and have been sharing with my clients ever since. This gave me the idea to create some more swearword acronyms to help navigate daily life, which I will now share with you!
To handle problems, have a B.I.T.C.H:
B – Breathe
I – Identify the problem
T – Take a break
C – Consider your options
H – Handle it!
Being able to break down a problem like this can really help to resolve it – I would also suggest writing things down on paper, rather than having them going round and round in your head. Someone once said, ‘if you write a problem down, you are halfway to solving it’ and I personally agree with this.
Handle your S.H.I.T – for a better overall sense of emotional wellbeing:
S – Self care
H – Happiness
I – Inner peace
T – Time
As a therapist I am constantly reminding clients to ensure they are engaging in self-care – which doesn’t always have to be spa days and bubble baths with candles (although they are really nice). Self-care can be simply ensuring you are getting a decent night’s sleep, adequate nutrition, staying hydrated and getting outside for some fresh air – the sort of thing you’d do for a small child. Happiness is a given (I will be posting another blog soon on how to ‘hack’ happiness), we all need to have some in our lives. Inner peace can include meditation, listening to music, going for a walk, spending time in nature or relaxing indoors listening to a soothing soundscape can help. Time means making sure you have some ‘me time’ each week – even if it is to do the other three points on the acronym!
Anger management – For those times when you just scream F.U.C.K!!!
F – FEEL your emotions – Acknowledge and feel your anger without judgement (mindfulness).
U – UNDERSTAND the cause, reflect on what specifically triggered you and why.
C – CALM yourself, use techniques such as deep breathing, counting to ten or taking a walk.
K – KINDLY express yourself – Communicate your feelings calmly and assertively without aggression.
We all get mad sometimes, that is a given, but anger is usually a secondary emotion – a defence mechanism to protect us from harm. Often there will be fear, guilt, shame or feeling disrespected behind our anger, so do a little digging and see what it was that really triggered your anger. Using the mindfulness practice of noticing without judgement what is going on internally will help to not complicate things internally – it’s ok to be mad that someone cut you up on the motor way, they are putting your life at possible risk (fear response, plus maybe disrespect?)! We don’t need that critical inner voice giving us cause to feel guilty for losing our shit too!
Also, just to note, you might not be able to express your anger to someone in a kind way – the other motorist for instance. In this case it can be helpful to write down how you would have responded, or you can even use a Gestalt technique called ‘empty chair’ where you imagine the person sitting in front of you and you say what it is you would say if they were actually there. It’s good to let it out!
Conflict resolution (which can be very useful with the previous acronym!) There are two versions of this as you will see – T.W.A.T and the most colourful swear of all; C.U.N.T:
T – Talk it out – engage in honest and open communication with the person involved
W – Work towards an understanding – Listen to each empathically to each other’s perspectives
A – Agree on a solution – collaboratively come up with a mutually acceptable solution
T – Take action – implement the agreed upon solution.
And for those of you who don’t shy away from a c-bomb:
C – Communicate clearly – Express thoughts and feelings without hostility
U – Understand perspectives – make an effort to see things from each other’s point of view
N – Negotiate Solutions – Work together to find a compromise or mutually beneficial solution
T – Take responsibility – own your part in the conflict and work towards making amends!
We all need to handle conflict resolution from time to time, whether it’s with other motorists, our loved ones or people we have to work with. Often with conflict comes anger so these two acronyms can be paired really well with the anger management one – take a breather and figure things out!
Lastly I’d like to just mention that swearing can actually have a beneficial effect on the body – studies have shown that by using profanities, it can help reduce the perception of pain by up to 33%[1] (there is a great article on that here: https://www.psychiatrist.com/news/profanity-can-sometimes-be-the-best-medicine-increasing-pain-tolerance-33-percent/). There have also been studies that suggest that us sweary types can be more intelligent[2] and that we are generally pretty creative people.
Some of my current favourite swearwords/insults (which get tossed around a lot during online gaming with my friends) include:
Knobeyes – one I use frequently whilst driving ‘You could fit a bus through there, knobeyes!!’
Flange Pedal – Nope, I have no idea either, I just came out with it one day and it stuck! ‘Don’t be such a flange pedal!’
I also subscribe to the view that if you put the word ‘Absolute’ in front of any noun, you can essentially use it as an insult e.g. ‘You absolute yoghurt top!’ or ‘You absolute door knob!!’ – A very British way of creating fabulous insults that can be utterly hilarious in the right circumstances!
Happy swearing!
Commentaires